RUNNING DIARY -- JANUARY 12, 2006.

[NOTICE: the following is a transcript resubmitted in its original content, also, I used to be an architecture major when I wrote this. That is why I've been called AG in the posts]


RUNNING DIARY -- JANUARY 12, 2006.

What a crazy weekend, I knew I shouldn't have gotten drunk with my laser tag buddies. What the hell was I thinking? If you missed it, the following went down:

7:22 We Arrive at Raf's apartment complex.

7:24 I realize that I just went to the wrong apartment complex.

7:58 Don't worry, the Buchanan's were very nice (and also make a great appletini -- here's the recipe).

8:13 We arrive (for reals).

8:14 Raf is looking extra "spiffy" in MY SPORT COAT!!!! I concoct a plausible method of attack that will allow me to kill him, assume his identity, and reacquire what is rightfully mine.

8:15 Raf reminds me that when I want it, I can have it again. I prefer my method.

8:15 Token is busy rockin' out to Guitar Hero 2, Andre is busy rockin' out to the fact that he hasn't masturbated all day, Megan is rockin' out to the fact that Jessie has a valid reason for ignoring her (instead of his normal excuse of playing WoW), and Tall Guy is busy having me not remember his name.

8:16 Raf tells me that he paid nearly $100 bucks for booze and I figure it would be appropriate for me to pay him back some of the money in order to ease his burden -- because I have a job that allows me to pay for things like beer, meals at restaurants, or hookers -- and even though I have a goatee and continue to wear shorts -- despite the fact that I have kankles -- I do it because I care -- possibly too much -- but I care. Andre, if you haven't figured out that I'm discussing you then bravo! But seriously, get your prostate checked.

8:17 I have my first beer of the evening. Oh sweet nectar, how I would be lost without you. You are the yin to my yang. You ground me in ways that I needed to be grounded. I know I don't tell you this often enough, but... I love you.

8:18 I sit in the corner of the room like a sad puppy that just made 'piddles' on the floor.

9:00 It's nine-o'clock, and all is well.

9:05 Other Kevin arrives with other people whom I may or may not have met.

9:24 Things happen, but nothing really happened; with the exception of Nicole being weirded out by Raf putting "the moves" on a girl (granted they were as subtle as a Catholic priest, but I'm not one to judge).

9:26 I judge Raf.

10:37 Nothing of importance happens (unless Jessie is reading this right now, that's when I had sex with your girlfriend. That's right Jessie, your girlfriend, and she was goooooooooooood! She even did that thing to me that you asked her to do but she said that she never would because its disgusting but its really its because she just doesn't like you enough, you know what I'm talking about you kinky mother-fucker. Of course, that's only if Jessie is reading this -- then I really did do it).

11:06 Kevin Arrives -- I think. I'm not really sure when he arrived, all I know is that this was the first time I remember seeing him and his "bangin'" hair. Good God did he smell like "baby".

11:35 The drinking game commences.

11:47 Nicole begins to get drunk. Kev's roofie must have kicked in.

11:54 Someone goes into the restroom.

11:55 Raf has to explain to me why his barf has Bugles in it, proving that he clearly did not care enough to share them with the rest of us.

11:56 Person walks out of the restroom wondering why people are discussing Bugles when it was obvious that the tasty treats were not on display for consuming their tasty goodness.

12:12:00 Jessie arrives in a bad mood.

12:12:29 Jessie has a drink in his hand.

12:12:45 Jessie is completely drunk.

12:35 Raf got drunk and passed out by midnight.

12:36 I get up from my chair in the corner. I must have looked like Zach Braff in "Garden State" after he takes that pill (which I can only assume was aspirin because drugs are illegal and the Hollywood actor character that Braff portrayed would never be involved in any situation where drugs might be present or consumed).

12:50 Check up on Raf to make sure Raf did not throw up again. To make this easier, cut and paste the previous sentence and apply it in 15 minute intervals for the rest of the evening.

1:08 Kevin is sitting next to Ashley. Kevin acts like Kevin. The world keeps on spinnin'.

1:19 Someone goes into restroom -- doesn't matter who (it was me), just every time someone goes into the restroom something bad seems to happen while they're in there.

1:20 Nicole and Ashley have a fight. And by have a fight I mean one person throws another person across the room and calls them a whore -- you know, a fight.

1:21 Person [me] steps out of restroom and replies, "What did I miss?" in a smooth, baritone silkiness that gives people a sense of euphoria every time they hear it.


1:26 Andre was prevented from spending his normal routine of non-stop hour-long masturbation as several people went into his room while he stood outside, looking like a lost puppy.

1:31 A certain lightweight [Jessie] drunk begins acting like "Drunk Ted" from HIMYM.

1:32 A certain studly, entertaining, witty, charming, trend-setting graduate from the "School of Hard Knocks" (we'll call him the Architecture Guy) has to forcibly drag a certain 'drunk' back to bed.

1:39 Read previous passage.

2:11 Ashley decides to leave.

2:12 Jessie decides to investigate, is dragged back to bed.

2:13 Someone goes into the restroom. Enough with the restroom! By now everyone knows that the restroom is bad news!

2:14 Nicole decides she's had enough of just feeling pissed off and decides to bolt after Ashley. She's already out the door before anyone knew what the hell she was doing. A struggle ensues between Nicole and I. I have her halted -- that's when the hay-makers came in....

2:15 I am now forced to do both the rational and fun thing, tackle my sister. By this time other people are coming out to help and are left wondering why I'm sitting on her.

2:16 Nicole still wants to talk (or whatever it is she wanted to do) to Ashley. Not wanting to make too much of a pest of myself with Nicole, I tell Andre to follow her. Andre can't find his shoes. I run into the complex and throw them at him.

2:17 Person walks out of the restroom wondering what the hell happened.

2:19 Andre remembers that his room is empty now and decides that he can still fit his nightly ritual into his schedule.

2:20 Things have calmed down.

2:30 Jessie throws up.

2:32 Jessie throws up.

2:24 Jessie throws up.

2:25 Decide it was a good idea for me not to get drunk that night.

2:44 Remaining guest leave.

2:50 Attempt to calm Nicole down, as she's still furious at Ashley. I tell her that she is simply angry and will realize that she overreacted when she wakes up in the morning. I then, slowly, climb down from my pedestal and give her a pat on the shoulder.

3:18 Everyone who is not spending the night has gone home. Everyone who's name is on the lease of the apartment has gone into their respective rooms. Everyone who's dating someone from that apartment is cleaning up Jessie's vomit. Might as well turn off the lights.

3:39 I like to think that the last thing that went through his head, other than that bullet, was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.